Christmas Eve 2015 I was diagnosed with stage 4 Small Lymphocytic Lymphoma, based on this diagnosis I was prescribed 6 months of FCR based chemotherapy. Before I started my chemo treatments I was warned that we had to keep our apartment very clean and germ free and that living with pets during chemo was a potential health risk. The chemotherapy kills white blood cells which would make me extremely susceptible to infections. Something as simple as a small cut or a cold could quickly escalate and become life threatening. We were warned to be very cautious with pets and if possible to not have them around me during the six months of treatment.
At the time we had 3 rescued pets, 2 cats and a dog. High-Dee was an old kitty, very quiet and mellow. Shpongle the mini-Schnauzer was our emotional support dog, he never left our side unless we were traveling. Peek-A-Boo was younger, full of vim and vigor with very sharp claws, she was always ready to play. Based on Boo’s propensity for rough housing we made the difficult decision to search for a home for her. A dear friend of ours agreed to foster our Boo kitty. We were so thankful that we found a good temporary home for her, it was a huge relief to know that she would be some place where she was loved and well taken care of. She is now back with us and we are so thrilled to have her in our lives.
Even with the risks involved we decided that our High-Dee Cat and the Shpongler would remain with us no matter what. They were both old and fairly predictable, neither one would play rough unless we instigated it first so the risk of scratches was low.
Both of these furry friends turned out to be the best chemo companions that a guy could have asked for. I had so many bad days that I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, High-Dee and the Shpongler barely left my side for six months. I always had a dog or a cat right next to me, often one on each side. Warm little puddles of snuggles and love.
There is something very comforting having a cat share a pillow with you when you don’t feel well, she would just curl up next to my head and purr. When she looked at me with those blue eyes I could tell that she knew that I was going through something and that I needed her love to help me get through it. She went out of her way to stay with me, while I was in bed she never left my side.
Before I was diagnosed Shpongle started acting strange, when I was laying in bed or on the couch he would climb up on my chest and put his head on my heart or he would push his nose into my armpit and leave it there. He was very persistent about it in the weeks before my diagnosis and before I started treatment but within a few weeks of starting treatment he stopped. I am convinced that he knew that I was sick and was trying to let me know.
Both Shpongle and High-Dee gave me so much love and strength during those months. High-Dee was an old kitty, she was 18 and we knew that we didn’t have many years left with her. During the months of treatment she never left my side, she followed me around and snuggled with me with an urgency that I didn’t understand at the time. When she wasn’t hanging out on my pillow next to my head she would crawl under the blankets with me and spend her days next to me purring and offering her good kitty vibes.
HIGH-DEE
This is a very difficult thing to write about, to the point that I have considered not publishing this story but High-Dee is part of my story, a part of my life and in sharing her story it helps keep her memory alive. I have no problem writing about my experience with cancer but somehow writing about High-Dee is so much harder. I write this not to bring attention to her death but to celebrate her life and to share her love with all of you.
Within days of recovering from my final round of chemo High-Dee had a debilitating seizure. We took her to the Vet only to find out that our beautiful High-Dee cat had a brain tumor. The previous 6 months had been so difficult and just when it was time to celebrate my remission we were overwhelmed with sadness to learn that our beautiful Rag Doll Kitty was suffering. It was obvious that she was in pain and that she would never recover from the last seizure. She had been a part of our family for 16 years and was now 18 years old, for over a decade and a half she loved us unconditionally and it was time for us to make the most difficult decision that a pet lover can make.
As an animal lover we always know that we will outlive our pets, but when the time arrives to say goodbye it is always unexpected and always breaks your heart.
It is incredibly difficult to let go of our pets after so many years of faithful friendship but often you reach a point where it becomes selfish to keep them alive, we want to hold on to them for as long as we can, we want to keep them in our lives as long as possible. Putting an animal to sleep, euthanasia, is such a difficult traumatic thing to do, so heart wrenching. A decision that none of us wants to make but unfortunately one that many of us has had to make.
She never judged us, never questioned us, she just loved us, she was such a beautiful creature. She gave me strength with her snuggles and purrs, I saw the love in her eyes and her actions. She was there for us no matter what and it was time for us to return the love, it was time to relieve her of her pain.
Words cannot truly describe that heart wrenching feeling when you realize that it is time to say goodbye to such a faithful friend. It doesn’t make it any easier when you look into her eyes and all you see is pain, it doesn’t make it any easier knowing in your heart that she was suffering and that it was for the best. It was time for High-Dee to move on and suffer no more in this life.
Our High Dee cat was with me during the toughest time of my life and she held on as long as she could, in fact she held on longer than she should have. With all of my heart I believe that her goal was to be there for me when I needed her most and that when she recognized that I no longer had cancer in my body she knew that it was time to let go, she knew that she had done her job.
We stayed with her as she fell into her final sleep and slipped away, she had a look of contentment, a look of satisfaction in her eyes as she took her last breath and purred herself to sleep.
A couple of videos of our beautiful High-Dee Cat.
Rest in Peace High-Dee and Bodhi, you will never be forgotten.
SHPONGLE, AKA The Shpongler
The Shpongle is staying with a friend of ours in Los Angeles, AKA-The Pack Man, he is doing great and is surrounded by his adopted dog brothers and sisters. He still is an emotional support dog and goes to hospitals and shares his love with seniors and kids! He is an old puppy, now 14 years old, we considered bringing him to Poland but decided that it wouldn’t have been fair to him to bring him on this journey. It would have been too stressful for him to endure the flight as well as the quarantine period, plus he doesn’t speak Polish very well so it would have been tough for him to make new friends. Not a day goes by that we don’t miss the Shpongler. Every Schnauzer I see reminds me of Shpongle, in fact every dog I see reminds of Shpongle. I will miss him during this next cancer challenge, I miss his hugs, his barks, I miss his presence. He is happy with his new family, surrounded by his brother and sister dogs, for me this is enough.
BODHI
Prior to my diagnosis Cancer hit our family with a huge punch to our hearts.
While we were living in New Mexico I came across an ad from a guy that was leaving the country and was looking for a home for his adult dog. We arranged a day for him and his dog to visit us and the moment that Bodhi jumped out of the truck and ran up to me to say hi with his piercing eyes full of love we knew that he had found his forever home. From the very first day Bodhi stole our hearts, he became Shpongles big brother and teacher, he was such a wonderful companion, such a wonderful soul.
We lost Bodhi to cancer when we were living just outside of Santa Fe in Nambe New Mexico. He lived a good long 14 years and we were lucky to share 7 of those with him. He was such a great friend, truly mans best friend. Bodhi took his final breaths on this planet as I lay with him on the floor of the animal hospital. I held him with my ear close to his heart as he took his last breath and left the pain behind.
Bodhi and High-Dee will always be a part of our family and will forever remain in our hearts.
Edit: March 2021
I wrote this post a couple of years ago and we have since returned to the US and have been reunited with Shpongle. We now live in Northern CA where Shpongle spent his last days walking in the forests, enjoying car rides, smelling wonderful smells, tasting wonderful tastes. We lost our Shpongle late last year to Cushing Disease and old age. We celebrated 16 wonderful years with the Shpongler and were honored to be his forever home.
Just last week another beautiful puppers found his way to us via the Humane Society of Inland Mendocino County. His name was Checkers, he is a 9 month old from an abusive home and he let us know he was leaving Checkers behind, he was now Herby the love bug. Shortly after adopting him he showed signs of being sick. He spent a few days in the hospital and we now believe that he has a rare fungal infection in his chest cavity above his heart. He is back home with us and we are waiting on final test results to confirm the fungus and figure out a plan for his recovery.
The Humane Society Inland Mendocino County has been amazing throughout this process. They put us in touch with Wasson Memorial Veterinary Clinic in Lakeport CA, we are thrilled to have been introduced to this clinic the care that Herby received and continues to receive has been exceptional. The Humane Society also went to the trouble of initializing a fundraising post on Facebook to help with Herby’s ongoing vet bills. Close to $3000 has been raised so far, so many wonderful people are helping Herby and we are humbled and grateful.
We have no idea what his care will end up costing, it’s possible that he may require life long meds to keep the fungus at bay. We are keeping our fingers crossed that Herby will make a full recovery and go on adventures with us for many years to come.
I am writing this from the hospital where I just started the first of 4 to 8 weeks of chemotherapy. I am still actively fighting my chronic lymphocytic leukemia and I have since been diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease called , CAD, Cold Agglutinin disease. Today I am getting treated to hopefully get the CAD under control. I am content to sit through five hour of treatment knowing that I get to come home to Herby, he and I will recover together. I am eternally grateful to the Humane Society of Inland Mendocino for Herby into our lives.
I believe with all of my heart that rescued animals know that they have been saved. Having had to deal with major health issues and being close to losing my life I have a whole new love and respect for life. I can imagine that a rescued cat or dog such as Herby knows that you have saved their life resulting in a bond of appreciation, love and respect that can never be broken.
This is Herby! The middle photo is me and him in the truck after I picked him up from the vet where he spent a few days. I had only know him for 3 days before we had to take him to the vet. At the vet he only allowed one doctor to even touch him, all of the others received growls and snips. I was concerned that he wouldn’t recognize me. He growled slightly when I approached him in the cage. I got down on my knees and he instantly recognized me as if he had known me his whole life. The Herbster was so happy to be re-united with us at his new forever home!
Musings by OZ 