Musings by OZ

It has been five weeks since surgery, five weeks full of anxiety, I was told it would take two to three weeks to get the results, and then four weeks, and finally I was told it sometimes takes up to five weeks.

For a cancer patients time can be both a blessing and an enemy, in this case time is not my friend. Five weeks of waiting to find out if the cancer has returned is five weeks of stress and angst, as I consider my experiences of the past and I contemplate the possibilities of the future all I can feel is apprehensive.

I can taste the stagnant flavor of anxiety on my tongue as I wait for my future to arrive.

I have had five weeks to consider my options, trying to remain optimistic. Maybe it’s a good thing it’s taking so long, perhaps they couldn’t find anything wrong and they are double checking before they share the good news. As the days and weeks pass by my optimism burns off like a morning fog and turns into a cloud of pessimism as I start to consider the worst. As the weeks pass I can’t help but wonder why the delay. Is it possible that they lost my biopsy sample,  I even consider the possibility that my disease is so involved that extra research was required to determine exactly what it is that I have. Maybe the lymphoma didn’t return and I have a third type of cancer, with time on my hands it is easy to consider the worst.

Today I received a text saying that my results have arrived, tomorrow I have an appointment to discuss with the doctor the results of the biopsy. 1020 minutes from now we will sit down with my doctor and we will hopefully receive good news.

It’s only 17 hours but it may as well be 17 days or even 17 weeks, the waiting is insufferable yet inescapable.

I know that I have written this with a dramatic flair, don’t let that hint of drama discount what Ginny and I have been through these past weeks while waiting for biopsy results.

Wish me luck, hopefully I will find out something wonderful tomorrow and I can look back and chuckle at my little bit of drama.

SPRING HAS SPRUNG AND SO HAVE I!

Spring arrived in Warsaw today so I put on my shorts for the first time in five months and we headed to the Vistula River for a wonderful walk and a bit of a bounce!